Evil Toons

Evil Toons (1992)

Director: Fred Olen Ray

Writers: Fred Olen ray

Stars: David Carradine, Dick Miller, Madison Stone, Stacey Six

My Two-Cents:

So I originally caught this movie on "USA Up All Night with Rhonda Shear" (She had me "Up" all night alright!) back in the day. I liked it then and I like it now, which is amazing when you stop and consider it. I mean, this flick has a lot of flaws, such as: A.) The title says "Evil TOONS". "TOONS" as in plural, when actually there is only one and we don't see him very often. B.) The acting is porno level. (There's a reason for that though.) C.) The story makes absolutely no fucking sense!

But I'll be damned if this bitch ain't pretty entertaining!

Lore has it, director Fred Olen Ray, who also did the obscure yet worthy "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers" and later a ton of softcore porn, pitched the idea for this flick to legendary low-budget producer Roger Corman and promised he could do it for only $250,000. Corman passed though, on the grounds that...and get this...he felt the budget was TOO LOW! Wow, I didn't think there was a budget low enough for the King of Schlock!

Anyway, Ray was determined to make the flick, so he scrounged up $140,000 dollars, an insanely low amount of money to make a film with, even then, and somehow managed to deliver a film that is both silly and fun. I mean you know just what your in for when the movie starts with a disclaimer stating what you are about to see is a true story!

So what's it about you ask, well let me tell ya!

Four smoking hot babes who work for a cleaning service (If cleaning ladies really looked like that I'd be one messy sonofagun!) are sent to an old spooky house for the weekend to clean it up for the peeps who just bought the place. Little do they know, the place has a gruesome past: It's haunted by David Carradine! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Ok, it's also home to an evil book that looks suspiciously like a certain Necronomicon...but I digress. Like all evil books, it contains spells to raise evil monsters. The ladies get the book and are warned not to read from it. So what do the four cleaning bimbo's do? Yup, they read from the fucking book. Faster then you can say Hanna-Barbera, a demon toon is summoned and the fun begins.

Like I said, the acting is terrible. Well, the always welcome Dick Miller is the exception. Dude is always great in whatever he's in.

Remember I said the acting was porno level? Well aside from the fact that the director now does softcore porn, two of the actresses are porn stars! Madison Stone and Stacey Nix know their way around a penis, and because they aren't afraid to sport their birthday suits around a camera, they were offered roles in the film. Stone, despite her porn acting, manages to be pretty likable, and not just because she's nude most of the time. She manages to put a little more into her performance then the other girls. What? I don't know, but it's there.

The late David Carradine isn't horrible, but the dialogue he has doesn't do him any favors. I don't know how the hell he kept a straight face while delivering them!

Now usually acting this bad would sink a movie, but not this bitch! The actors know they aren't in a contender for an Oscar nomination and you can tell their having a blast.

The animation effects weren't too bad, and the actors at least did a decent job of pretending to interact with it. I mean it ain't fucking Roger Rabbit or nothing, but it worked. Only problem is the "toon" isn't around much. Ya see, the little fucker can morph into real people, which he does a lot. Yeah, don't try to figure that out, just go with it.

On the downside, my gorehounds are gonna be seriously let down here. There is very little catsup on display. Half of it is animated. Sorry...

...my Pervs though, boy do I have good news for you! We get treated to some of the most beautiful breast this side of the Playboy mansion! Plus, Madison Stone gives us a very sultry little strip dance that is worth the price of admission alone! Ah, fun times!

So, you may be asking, aside from the nudity, what is so entertaining about this flick? First off, there's lots of nudity. Second there's lots of nudity. Third, this film does not take itself seriously in the least. The filmmakers knew this wasn't going to be the next big horror flick. They made a cheap film that delivers bad laugh out loud dialogue, a different yet nutty plot, and acting so crappy it'll have your sick ass cracking up!

What can I say? Despite being awful in so many ways, it still manages to be a butt load of fun. This is camp with a capital "C". I mean, we get scene's like the one where Dick Miller's character is watching "Buckets of Blood" starring...Dick Miller! We also get to witness what has to be the first sexual assault on a female by a cartoon character! Then there's the toon himself who delivers some priceless lines like "You little bitch! I'll get even with you in the sequel for this!" which almost made me spit out my Yuengling!

The filmmakers walked a fine line between campy fun and shitty film and managed to maintain the former. This one gets three blood soaked butcher knives cause sometimes I like to kick back, turn off my brain, smoke a J, and just be entertained. For my money, "Evil Toons" let's me do just that. Nuff said!

Now if we can just get a porn where real people screw cartoons. The toons gotta be Disney Princess's though. Yeah, definitely Disney Princess's. Especially Jasmine...I love me some Jasmine! She can rub my magic lamp any day! Little Arabian slut! Uh...what was I talking about?