Blood Tracks

Blood Tracks (1985)

Director: Mats helge
Writer: Mats helge, Anna Wolf
Stars: Easy Action (Band), Jeff Harding, Michael Fitzpatrick, Naomi Kaneda

The Skinny:
A swedish hair metal band and their crew go out to the middle of no where to film their latest video. When an avalanche traps them in a cabin, sex drugs, and rock and roll ensue....until they meet the batshit family on the lamb who live in the abandoned factory next door. Turns out they ain't fans. Guess we got something in common, cause this turd stinks to high heaven!

My Two-Cents:
I can't believe I wasted 81 fucking minutes of my life on this mess! I came across this pile of ass by accident. The premise sounded cool, I mean I love metal (In the some parts of the UK this flick is called "Heavy Metal") and I even like some hair metal (Fuck you!) and usually when metal and horror come together it's good times. The two go together like a me and strippers. Look at flicks like the original "Trick or Treat" or the under rated "Hard Rock Zombies". So my unsuspecting ass thought I'd found an obscure gem. I was so wrong.
Where do I start. How bout the plot? The filmmakers obviously attempted to make a flick in the vein of "The Hills Have Eyes", but they failed spectacularly. To even mention Cravens baby along side this film is a fucking insult of the highest magnitude. This flick doesn't have any of the creepy atmosphere, tension, or gore that Cravens flick has. This bitch is full of cliches' and I.Q. dropping dialogue.
First off, why the fuck would you go out to snow covered mountains and blast fucking heavy metal music? Did they not consider the loud noise might cause an fucking avalanche? Why did the people at the fucking lodge allow them to do that? Also, why is there an abandoned factory right next door to their cabin? Who builds a cabin next to a fucking factory?
The actors were dubbed due to this flick being swedish, and as you can imagine, it wasn't good. Doesn't matter because the acting sucked too. First off there were way to many fucking people in this. I had a hard time keeping track of who was who and what the fuck was going on. They aren't even close to being likable either. Not once did I feel anything for these ass gnomes. I was cheering on the killers for all I was worth. I especially wanted the band to die, for calling themselves "Easy Action". Jerkoffs.
Speaking of the killers, aside from make-up on their faces that looked like someone slapped them with oatmeal, they seemed confused most of the time. Probably wondering what the hell they're doing in this film. While researching this fist in the ass, I learned that the cast and crew were drunk when they shot this. You almost had to be wouldn't you?
The thing that really had me gnashing my teeth was the kill scenes. It's not just that there bad, YOU CAN'T FUCKING SEE THEM! Most of the action takes place in the abandoned factory which is dark as hell. Apparently lighting wasn't high on the priority list for the film makers. We end up with dark scenes where we can hear the victim screaming, but fuck if I knew what happened to them. Seriously! There were a lot of people in this flick and I have no clue how most of them died! I was actually shining a flashlight into my TV during these scenes as I let fly a chorus of explicatives. What the fuck were they thinking? You watch a horror for the kills so it's a good idea to actually show the fucking kills! What were they high? No, drunk.
The little catsup we do get ain't nothing special. As for nudity, yeah, we get that via the slutty video vixens. If nudity is all your after, save your money and precious time and just watch a porn on Fuckbook. Thank me later.
There really is nothing redeeming about this flick. Well wait...I'm wrong. The theme song "Blood Tracks" performed by "Easy Action" who also play the band in the movie, was pretty good. But it sure as hell ain't worth sitting through this fucking pile of junkie vomit for! It deserves the obscurity it's obtained. Let it stay buried! I rather go to an "Extreme" concert then sit through this shit again. I gave it one blood soaked butcher knife and honestly that feels like too much. Do your self a favor and stay far, far away from this one. Nuff said!
Now excuse me, I need to go grab a bottle of old Grand Dad and crank up some Maiden so I can forget this fucking pile of goat droppings. ACES HIGH BITCH'S!!!