Gutterballs (2008)
Director: Ryan Nicholson
Writer: Ryan Nicholson
The Skinny:
A brutal (and I mean brutal!) rape goes down at a dive bowling alley and ya know what? Someone knows. That someone one is out to get revenge. Hold on to your balls, shiz is about to get messy!
My Two-Cents:
The moment I saw the poster for this one I knew I had to see it. I mean, they parodied the poster from 'Maniac' a particularly nasty genre gem. (Apparently there are several posters for this flick, each a parody of a slasher classic: 'Halloween', 'Happy Birthday to Me', etc.) I had hopes this was gonna be some kind of homage to those type of films. So was it? Keep reading.
Soon as this flick starts it becomes clear just exactly what director Ryan Nicholson was going for (If the varied posters based on genre classics didn't already clue you in.). The film looks like it was shot in 1981, with that grainy dark look early 80's slashers always sported. The bowling alley, the cast, even the cars all look like something straight out of a flick from 1982. I really dug that. Flicks from that era had their own thing going that set them apart from shiz that came before and after. This was a fun nostalgic treat!
Now, it's one thing to look like a film from those bygone days, but could it perform like one? Slashers from the golden era ('78-'83) were notorious for being overly violent and sexual. To this day it's rare to find a film that's as brutal as many of those badboys due to the fact the studios are pussies. I've seen enough flicks try to capture the flavor of that era's offerings but fall flat because the film makers lacked the balls to take it to the extreme. Is 'Gutterballs' guilty of this?
Hell no! Have no fear, this one delivers in spades!
I'm gonna get right to the goods, cause that's what makes this film worthwhile. Gorehounds, you got yourself a new gem to get your fix with! The catsup in this twisted puppy is poured on thick! Entrails, severed heads, bleeding vaginas, cut up penis's (No I'm not joking.) and more! This bitch is on her period and she's flowing like Niagra Falls! You WILL cringe at times, it's that nasty. One particular kill, while not bloody, hands down has the award for most creative (and kinky) way to off two peeps in my book. (Hint: it involves the number '69'. If you don't know what that stands for, why are you here?) The ratings board apparently wanted this baby seriously neutered for it to get an R rating, so Nicholson opted for the NC-17 rating rather than pussy out. Fucking A right dude!
The effects themselves are pretty well done, especially since it was only Nicholson and one other, Jon Funk, doing them. It's all good old fashioned practical effects. A few things look a wee bit fake, but for the most part, it's gravy. Def wanna rethink eating during this one if you're a pus....er....have a weak stomach.
Speaking of cringe inducing moments, probably the most infamous and controversial thing about this sick throw back is the rape scene. It isn't that long, but it feel's like it goes on forever. It's reeeeeally brutal. Def up there with the rapes from 'Last House on the Left' (Original, not that feces they call a remake.) and 'I Spit on your Grave' I found myself looking away several times. Uncle Ani don't care for rape. Many people took issue with this scene due to the camera constantly showing us close up shots of the poor girls body as she's being violated. It almost seemed the filmmakers were trying to sexualize the rape rather than shock. Director Ryan Nicholson has vehemently denied this, but I have to admit, I had a case of the WTF's while the rape played out. There is nothing sexy about rape. I don't care how hot the girl is, I can't be aroused watching her being horribly violated. I'm a perv, not a psychopath!
Speaking of perv's, you'll be happy to know the T and A is on full display here. I'm not talking about the rape, you sick puck! Vagina's play peek-a-boo throughout, tops constantly come off, and we are shown a BJ that wasn't pretend. The actress was actually blowing the actor! Talk about method acting!
Oh and my lusty Nymphs, for once you don't need to feel left out, there are a few sausages on display...unfortunately.
The acting...well....it's what you'd expect to find in a low-grade early 80's slasher. That is, it was bad.
Candice Lewald, who plays the rape victim, is the definition of wooden actor. Bless her soul she tries, but beyond looking hot as hell, she doesn't offer much.
Dan Ellis as the bowling alley employee is pretty entertaining. he had me chuckling more than once.
Then there's Alastair Gamble, who for some inane reason decided to scream every single fucking line in the damn movie! The term "In-door" voice was totally frigging lost on him. Every scene with him was an experience in tolerance. Seriously, every fucking line dude?!
The rest of the cast, while certainly colorful, were pretty much forgettable. I mean, they tried, I'll give them that, but thespians they are not.
Oh, and probably the most used word in the film by every actor is 'fuck'. i'm not kidding. I've read it's used close to 600 times! A drinking game for this flick has been created where you do a shot every time 'fuck' is used. Great for those looking to die of alcohol poisoning as you'll probably polish off a full bottle of jack in ten minutes flat.
Aside from crappy acting, the film did have other small yet noticeable problems. For one, Nicholson clearly went out of his way to make this flick look like an 80's flick. I was grooving on the retro vibe with the hairstyles and cloths. then a cellphone makes a brief appearance and breaks the illusion. WTF? it didn't even have too serious a function in the film, why would you go to all the trouble to create a period vibe and then do that? it's like watching "Braveheart" and seeing Mel Gibson whip out a glock! You can do better than that Ryan dude!
Another problem I had was the ending. Everything was groovy until a particular character is offed. It leaves a bad taste in your mouth. I mean the twist was good and kept me guessing, but offing that one character seemed wrong on so many levels. That's all I'll say about that.
Overall, 'Gutterballs' is a fun, nostalgic ride, choke full of the red stuff, tons of nudity, and full of enough genre references to please any hardcore horror fan. It ain't high art, it's a love letter of sorts from horror fans to horror fans. I give it four blood soaked butcher knives. Despite some minor flaws, it still delivers a good time. I mean how can you go wrong with a killer who wears a bowling ball bag on his head?
Due to certain content, it may not be for everyone. If you offend easily, look elsewhere. Ya been warned.
Well, that's my word. I'm off to wax my balls!
Oh and my lusty Nymphs, for once you don't need to feel left out, there are a few sausages on display...unfortunately.
The acting...well....it's what you'd expect to find in a low-grade early 80's slasher. That is, it was bad.
Candice Lewald, who plays the rape victim, is the definition of wooden actor. Bless her soul she tries, but beyond looking hot as hell, she doesn't offer much.
Dan Ellis as the bowling alley employee is pretty entertaining. he had me chuckling more than once.
Then there's Alastair Gamble, who for some inane reason decided to scream every single fucking line in the damn movie! The term "In-door" voice was totally frigging lost on him. Every scene with him was an experience in tolerance. Seriously, every fucking line dude?!
The rest of the cast, while certainly colorful, were pretty much forgettable. I mean, they tried, I'll give them that, but thespians they are not.
Oh, and probably the most used word in the film by every actor is 'fuck'. i'm not kidding. I've read it's used close to 600 times! A drinking game for this flick has been created where you do a shot every time 'fuck' is used. Great for those looking to die of alcohol poisoning as you'll probably polish off a full bottle of jack in ten minutes flat.
Aside from crappy acting, the film did have other small yet noticeable problems. For one, Nicholson clearly went out of his way to make this flick look like an 80's flick. I was grooving on the retro vibe with the hairstyles and cloths. then a cellphone makes a brief appearance and breaks the illusion. WTF? it didn't even have too serious a function in the film, why would you go to all the trouble to create a period vibe and then do that? it's like watching "Braveheart" and seeing Mel Gibson whip out a glock! You can do better than that Ryan dude!
Another problem I had was the ending. Everything was groovy until a particular character is offed. It leaves a bad taste in your mouth. I mean the twist was good and kept me guessing, but offing that one character seemed wrong on so many levels. That's all I'll say about that.
Overall, 'Gutterballs' is a fun, nostalgic ride, choke full of the red stuff, tons of nudity, and full of enough genre references to please any hardcore horror fan. It ain't high art, it's a love letter of sorts from horror fans to horror fans. I give it four blood soaked butcher knives. Despite some minor flaws, it still delivers a good time. I mean how can you go wrong with a killer who wears a bowling ball bag on his head?
Due to certain content, it may not be for everyone. If you offend easily, look elsewhere. Ya been warned.
Well, that's my word. I'm off to wax my balls!
I don't think I'm wearing these right...
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We're here to audition for the new John Hughes film.
Yeah! your damn right I feel ridiculous!
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